What came next, that is after reading part 1 yesterday is pretty shocking and was a life changer.
The Push for the Right Mindset
What is the right mindset? This is of course going to be very different from person to person. Everyone has their own unique life with its own challenges. It might be fair to suggest here though, that bearing in mind that life is a precious thing, the common factor in the right mindset is to live a successful, happy life. One which is filled with all of your favourite things and actions. This may be academic success, relationship success, career success or wealth! In throwing the question out there, the list may go on and on.
The challenge to many of us, is getting to a place where we begin to believe that there is more out there for us. Right now, I know the readers of this book are saying either;
- Yes I believe but……
- If it was meant to be it would be…..
But how can this be so? If you truly believe then surely you would do anything in your power to get whatever it is you believe in. Very few people would just accept unfair behaviour if they believed that they could change it. This takes an element of self-belief, this is often quite difficult to acquire. This is where the idea of developing the right mindset becomes important. It is not an overnight development but one which evolves over time.
It is perhaps best to put it into context and for this, we continue with Sandy’s story. The story begins to get quite difficult for her here as she was taken into some very murky waters. She had gone through a life which had become characterized by experiencing some very violent domestic abuse. This was having the effect of making her withdraw from her peers and all of the learning opportunities that childhood could give her. It was a life of fear.
Her father then continued his change by using humiliation and intimidation. In particular, she recalls the time when some ‘posh people’ from the school board came to the house one evening. Her brother had been recognised from his school tests, as having a higher than average IQ in the school tests. It was being recommended that he should sit a scholarship examination to attend one of the best public schools in the United Kingdom. Her father was of course full of the achievements of ‘his son’ and that ‘girls are not capable of these things’. She would think hard about this, when she was younger, her father was so kind and now, he was horrid. What was more for her though, was the fact that the school was a boarding school and meant that her brother would be away for long periods of time. Remembering her pledge to herself to protect her mother, this sounded great but was not something she could consider.
It was because of this that when she was approached to take the same scholarship exam, she absolutely refused to go. To a large extent, her fears for her mother’s safety were holding her back. Let us keep in context here, that Sandy was a child and therefore not developed enough to be able to process the outcomes of not facing that fear. The adults around her were not facing her fears for her either for a variety of reasons. What was apparent was a completely unstable environment in which her mind was unable to settle, unable to develop its full cognitive abilities, unable to perceive that dream existence which she could see at her friend’s homes and on TV. It was made even worse as her father branded her useless as she failed the scholarship (deliberately), in order to stay with her mother.
And no-one would have predicted what came next. It was a vicious action which could have led to a completely ruined existence for Sandy. Note that I say could have, this remarkable young lady went through a period in her life which no one should have to but showed maturity and strength which is rarely seen as she fought back against the system to get to the life she wanted.
The worst moment of Sandy’s life as recalled by her happened one summer’s afternoon when she had to leave school early to go for an interview for Secondary school. By now, school had become something of a haven for her. Not because of the potential learning but because of it not being at home, there was no atmosphere and her friends were there. School had also run a big trip to the Great Children’s Party in Hyde Park. It had been such fun!
She had gone home to meet her father so that he could take her to the interview and he called her into the bedroom as he talked about what she should and shouldn’t do at the interview. She listened carefully but looked at him with suspicion. Over the years, she had built up a resentment towards him and honestly wished that someone else was taking her. Even she did not expect what happened next. She was small for her age (10) and he picked her up and threw her onto the bed and as she wriggled and struggled in fear and shock he brutally raped her.
After what seemed like an eternity, he lifted his heavy, large smelly body off her and straightened his clothes, ordering her into the car to go to the interview. As she walked out of the house, she put something down on top of the piano in the hallway. It was now crumpled, it was her badge from the children’s party which she had crushed in her hands as fear and pain had set in. As the interview proceeded, she said very little, trying to understand what had just happened to her. She decided to wait, when she got home she would see if the badge was indeed on top of the piano, this would say whether it had or had not happened.
As she walked back through the front door, there it was, it was true, it had happened. He warned her about what would happen if she told anyone and handed her £5. She quietly went to her room and sobbed. In her eyes, no one could help her with this as it would put everyone in danger. In hindsight this is not necessarily true but, she was reasoning as a child. Strangely enough though, she recalls that she decided on that day that she was going to work hard to make sure that she could take her mother and siblings away from that danger and never ever have someone controlling her happiness again. It was in effect, the day on which she lost her childhood but gained the start of a lifetime of control, she was beginning to recognise that with thought, there was a whole perfect life out there for her.
She is keen to stress here that this was a long learning journey. The events of that day replayed in her mind often over the years and he attacked her many times over the years. What she had to do was to stay focussed on her dreams of a better life. The first step to this for her was gaining her qualifications in school and University.
This was a situation which could have ruined life as I know it if there was no belief, no strength, no faith. It has been a long road but i’m sure that it makes it clearer to you why this journey is so important.